Tuesday, February 28, 2012

On My Mind

Every time I sit down to write or catch up on here, my mind is blank. It's awkward. It seems foreign to me. I'm not sure how to start back up, so I just... don't. I'm not certain how I evolved into feeling this way about my own space, my "journal" of sorts. After all, it's just me talking to and catching up with myself and writing out loud what's in my head. It's been a love-hate relationship. Awkward? It shouldn't be. I think the part that hangs me up is that the journaling is not just for me. Through the years, it's been a way to connect and meet some wonderful friends and ladies whom enjoy what I enjoy, understand who I am, and goodness, have even helped bring out the real, true me and in the process helped me to shape my desires and convictions into my own. I love this about blogging. There's an ability to have and create friendships and connections that sometimes can't be fostered in the traditional day-to-day tangible way. That's not the hard part, though. That's the love part. The hate part? Well, let's just say that I'm a pretty private, guarded person, not one to easily show transparency. Sometimes I worry what others will think of me. I know, I shouldn't... After all, I'm a grown woman with a husband and family, and we are confident to make our own decisions even when they aren't mainstream. I can't help it, though, because the truth of the matter is that I do worry. I'm trying to get better at that. {The part about being myself and being proud and confident in who I am to not just some people, but all people.} So, while I try to get back into the rhythm of journaling and sharing and growing relationships, just remember that if I come up missing again, it's not you... it's me.